why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
