so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Randomize
