What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
