Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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