Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
