no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
