Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
