I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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