What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
