every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
