so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
