my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
