He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
