My room smells like vodka and shame
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
