This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
