Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
