well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
