It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
