dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
