We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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