I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
