yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
