I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
