i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
