Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
