I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
