I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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