i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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