R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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