you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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