I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
