I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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