She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
