Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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