Your face is a jimmy john
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
