I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
