Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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