That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
