If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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