So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
