Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
