I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
