Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
