Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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