Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
