Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
