in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
