Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
