Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
