FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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