everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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