My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
