I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
