It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
