no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
