he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
