Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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