he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
